It’s your birthday. Over dinner, your partner tries to whisper sweet nothings into your ear. A romantic moment for some, but not for everyone. Should you smile and nod or ask them to back up so you can watch their lips moving?
You’re at a cocktail party, and it’s too loud for anyone to hear above the background din. Your friend leans in to speak into your ear, but you shift back to better see their face. Visual clues help you hear.
It’s a quiet space, like a library or a doctor’s office. The receptionist naturally lowers their voice to a whisper, which you struggle to hear. Even in quiet, a certain volume level is required.
Bottom line: No matter the situation, please don’t whisper. I won’t understand you.
Why Do People Whisper?
People are not whispering to annoy us, although it certainly can be irritating, especially if we’ve asked them not to do it multiple times!
Some people whisper for emphasis—nothing is louder than a whisper—as the saying goes. Or to quiet a room. My children’s elementary school teachers used this trick, and it worked like magic.
Others whisper because they are shy about expressing themselves, or lack confidence, or perhaps they are trying to be discreet when sharing a secret or other confidential information.
Or maybe it is just the norm for the social situation, like in the library example above. For most people, whispering is simply one of many tools in their communication toolkit.
A Few Alternatives to Whispering
It is hard for people to change the way they speak, but there are alternatives to whispering when communicating with someone with hearing loss. Try these ideas and please add yours in the comments.
Use a remote microphone, which broadcasts the speaker’s voice directly into paired hearing devices. This option works best (at least for now) when there is one primary speaker.
Reading what is said can be very helpful for people with hearing loss. While speech-to-text apps struggle in a loud environment, they can be very useful in quiet settings. In a noisy space, texting or typing in real-time into a note on your smartphone can accomplish the same result.
Leaning back with a smile and enunciating clearly can also work if your communication partner is a strong lipreader. But be ready to rephrase difficult to understand words. Only 30-40% of spoken English is visible on the lips.
Or simply move to a different setting that is more conducive to conversation.
Readers, can you communicate in whispers?
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Hi Shari,
Hope you are well. You wrote an article for me a few years ago and I was curious if you might like to write one again about hearing loss.
My partner recently got hearing aids (we call them his bionic ears) and it’s really made me realize how challenging it is for him, especially when we travel.
Maybe something about tips for communicating with older travellers? It’s often hard to tell if someone has bionic ears – simply having some sensitivity to this could be helpful (eg noise levels in restaurants, seating people near loud speakers, etc ) How can we be more sensitive and what can we do?
I’m happy to pay you and very open to an ongoing series…. ?
Thanks
Carolyn
Hi Carolyn! Sounds great! Please email me at shari@livingwithhearingloss.com to discuss more details about the articles. Many thanks!
Many speech-to-text apps and products understand and will caption whispered speech nowadays. It may be less accurate than speech out loud but it can work. Give it a try!
Thanks for sharing what works for you!
As a hard of hearing librarian, I often have to have people speak up in my library. Then I have to assure them it’s not a joke, I really do want them to speak louder.
So I’ve taken to wearing a button that says “please speak clearly, I’m hard of hearing.” It helps prove I’m not trying to trick them.
I love that! Buttons can be very effective as well. Thanks for sharing what works for you.
Shari, can I understand whispers? NO Understand whispers in my ear? Again, NO. I recall the phrase “whispering sweet nothings” and think it is true, I usually understand NOTHING! One annoying acquaintance seems to think if they whisper into my hearing device that I can understand them. For the third time, NO! My response is more measured in real live, with me pulling away, shrugging my shoulders and saying: “sorry I can’t hear you that way”
Thanks for sharing your experiences. It’s hard for others to understand, but I certainly do.