Do you avoid talking about your hearing loss? Maybe you are afraid others will treat you differently or look down on you. Or maybe you think less of yourself, beaten down by societal stigma that still links hearing loss with being old or out of touch. Or maybe you assume no one will understand what it is like to have hearing loss anyway, so why bother. Whatever the reason, when we avoid talking about our hearing loss, we make it harder to live well with it.
I hid my hearing loss for a decade, following in the footsteps of my father who avoiding talking about his hearing loss at all costs. Over time, he isolated himself from almost everyone—family, colleagues, friends. It makes me sad to think about it. After many years, and in hopes of setting a better example for my children, I realized there was only one way to forge a different path—by being open about my hearing loss.
As Fred Rogers said:
“Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting and less scary.”
Fred Rogers (aka Mr. Rogers)
Amen.
Hearing Loss is Fraught with Emotion
Hearing loss comes with baggage—emotional worries that can weigh us down. We carry them wherever we go.
Will my friends remember to speak one-at-a-time at dinner tonight?
Will I miss out on the fun of my child’s birthday party?
Should I smile and nod and hope nobody notices that I don’t know what they are saying?
Can’t I just stay home?
The answer to all these questions is “No.”
Staying home is not an option if you want to stay connected to the people and activities that you love. Bluffing may seem like a good way to partake in the fun, but it merely deepens the communication divide. And while it may take a few Hearing Hacks, you do not need to miss out on the fun of a child’s birthday party.
(And also no, your friends will not remember to speak one-at-a-time. But you can remind them. Again and again.)
Mentioning the “Unmentionable” is the Key to Success
It’s hard to bring our best self-advocacy selves to every social encounter, but when we do, the results are better.
The first step is letting others know about our hearing loss. Hi, I’m Shari and I have hearing loss. Do you mind facing me when you speak to me? I practiced my hearing loss script on strangers where the stakes were lower until it rolled off my tongue with ease.
But self-identifying is not enough. Well-meaning people may think they should shout at us or speak veeerrrryyyy slowly, but all this does is make it harder to speechread. We must also let them know what we need from them for better communication. Like when I asked the person to face me in my hearing loss script above.
Avoiding talking about your hearing loss is a tough habit to break. It takes practice and time so be patient with yourself, but commit to being a little more open each day. In the words of Fred Rogers, anything “…mentionable can be more manageable.”
Readers, do you avoid talking about your hearing loss?
For more on the emotions of hearing loss read the “MindShifts” section of Hear & Beyond: Live Skillfully with Hearing Loss.
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I tell anyone that will listen about my hearing loss and about hearing loss in general.
Excellent! Thank you for your advocacy!
When I suffered SSHL 5 years ago and finally got my bearings to go forward, most people I knew criticized me for talking about my loss and what I needed from them to communicate. Almost all of them walked away….it was too much trouble and required too much awareness on their part. I now live in isolation for the most part. Catch 22.
I am sorry that happened to you. Isolation is not healthy though. Consider reaching out to HLAA or other support groups to find other people with hearing loss to rebuild your community. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
I openly talk about my hearing loss so that communication is meaningful especially in situations that matters. It avoids unwanted misunderstandings and really sets the right expectations no matter what the situation is!
Wonderful! Thank you for sharing your success!
Yes, I spoke at length plus joined with HLAA. SSHL is poorly understood, or supported sufficiently through the hearing loss community. Thanks.
I’m glad you are taking steps to stay connected. You may enjoy this SSHL group as well. https://myhearinglossstory.com
Yes I do, many times when I mention I am hearing impaired they start to shout or look at me as if I dumb.
So much education is needed. I am glad you are taking that first step. The next is to educate them on what you need. Thank you for sharing your experiences.
I’m 75 and have a congenital profound loss and it wasn’t until going to therapy in my 20s that I was able to openly talk about my hearing loss. Now, I literally broadcast it by doing self-help videos. I’ve often had to remind people, because my speech and comprehension are so good that they forget. In a meeting, with multiple people who I’m not familiar with, I immediately go into my spiel to make sure communications are clear.
Wonderful! Thank you for sharing what works for you.
I lost my hearing to Ménière’s disease in 2005 and it completely changed my life. I speak openly and persistently to others that my clarity hearing is severe and I need them to speak slowly while facing me. Hearing aids give the volume needed but, especially in a situation involving more than one noise source, clarity cannot be achieved. The problem I’ve had is people initially acknowledge this fact but quickly forget. Having to remind certain people over and over, some never “get it”. At 66 years old, I get frustrated with this and spend more time with my dogs than people.
It is frustrating to remind hearing people over and over, but sadly it is often needed. Hearing loss peers can be very helpful as well. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
For over 30 years I was silent with my hearing loss, until I became a mother, I felt I needed to wear hearing aids when my son was born. I do regret waiting so long to advocate for myself, especially at work, but now it’s easy for me to ask for what I need and have become empowered to do so. Shari I enjoy your articles so much! Thank you.
I can so relate to your story! Thank you for sharing. I am so glad that you find the articles helpful.
Many times I’ve been open about the issue of hearing loss. All of a sudden, they are speaking louder, and using exaggerated mouth movements which I cant stand. I just look at them and tell them to stop……I know they mean well but thats where education comes in. Ive done much educating but sometimes I wonder if it really helps. It gets very tiring!
It does get tiring. Hearing loss is so misunderstood but we must keep educating so we can stay connected to the people and activities we love. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.